If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman

If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman,

If you don't, you are not a man.

If you praise her, she thinks you are lying,

If you don't, you are good for nothing.

 If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp,

If you don't, you are 'not understanding' .

If you visit her often, you are boring,

If you don't, she accuses you of double crossing.

If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy,

If you don't, you are a dull boy.

If you are jealous, she says it is bad,

If you aren't, she thinks you don't love her.

If you attempt a romance, she says you don't respect her,

If you don't, she thinks you don't like her.

If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait,

If she is late, she says it's a girl's way.

If you visit other men, you are not putting in quality time,

If she is visited by other women, "Ah! It's natural, we are girls."

If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold,

If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage.

If you fail to help her cross the street, you lack ethics,

If you do, she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction.

If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting,

If she is stared by a man, she says that they are just admiring.

If you talk, she wants you to listen,

If you listen, she wants you to talk.

In short:

So simple, yet so complex

So weak, yet so powerful

So confusing, yet so desirable

So damning, yet so wonderful.